So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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