you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think your dad took our porno
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
