You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
