if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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