So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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