I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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