apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
