This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
