She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I fill condoms, not promises.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
