TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Even my vagina gasped.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
