I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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