My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
