Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
