I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
