didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
