So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Life is so much better after having sex.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
