my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
