I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
