Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
