I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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