I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
