Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
