This is not my ceiling
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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