I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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