that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
