he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Slut skills are useful in every country.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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