okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
