We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
