Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
