fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
