I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
