My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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