i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
