I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
