The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
