Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
