I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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