you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
