She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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