Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
