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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
