carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
