I'm drive I can fine osifer
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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