i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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