you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
