Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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