youre lurking in front of me
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
