I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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