I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
