I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
