Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
My penis needs a shock collar
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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