If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
