they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
