4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
