I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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